Confidence

Why Young Athletes Stop Trusting Their Decisions and How to Help

I coached a girl who kept looking at me.

At first, I didn’t think much of it.

She’d catch the ball.

Look at me.

Miss a shot.

Look at me.

Turn it over.

Look at me.

Even when she did something well…

she’d look at me.

It started to bother me.

Not because she was doing anything wrong.

Because I realised what she was looking for.

My reaction.

She Wasn’t Looking for Coaching

She was looking for confirmation.

Was that okay?

Was that the right shot?

Should I have passed?

Am I coming out now?

And once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop seeing it.

She wasn’t playing the defence anymore.

She was playing me.

Reading my face.

Reading my body language.

Trying to work out whether I approved of the decision she’d just made.

And that’s when I realised we had a problem.

Because I didn’t want to be making her decisions.

I wanted her to make them.

So I Stopped Giving Her the Answer

At training one night, she drove into the key.

The help defender stepped across.

She tried to squeeze a pass through.

Turnover.

She looked straight at me.

I could have told her exactly what she’d done wrong.

I nearly did.

Instead, I asked:

“What did you see?”

She looked confused.

Then she explained it.

“I thought the help defender was going to stay with me, so I thought Mia would be open.”

Interesting.

She hadn’t made a stupid decision.

She’d actually made a pretty good read.

She’d just been slightly late.

So I said:

“Good. Next time, trust it earlier.”

And we kept playing.

That’s When Something Changed for Me as a Coach

Young players don’t need us to give them the answer to every basketball problem.

Sometimes they need us to show them that it’s safe to try solving it themselves.

Because every time we immediately yell:

“PASS!”

“SHOOT!”

“DRIVE!”

“GET RID OF IT!”

we might solve that possession.

But we can also accidentally teach the player:

Wait for me.

And eventually, instead of:

we get:

That delay might only be half a second.

In basketball, half a second is enormous.

The gap closes.

The defender recovers.

The pass disappears.

And then we wonder:

Why is she hesitating?

Sometimes We Create the Hesitation We’re Trying to Fix

This is uncomfortable for coaches.

And parents.

Because most of the time, we’re trying to help.

We see something the player doesn’t see.

So we tell her.

She makes a mistake.

We correct it.

She misses something.

We explain it.

That’s coaching.

But if we’re not careful, we can become the player’s external decision-making system.

She stops asking:

“What do I see?”

And starts asking:

“What does Coach want me to do?”

Those aren’t the same thing.

One develops a basketball player.

The other develops a player who is very good at following instructions.

The Safest Decision Starts Winning

Then something else happens.

The player discovers that there are decisions that rarely get criticised.

Pass the ball backwards.

Don’t attack the gap.

Don’t throw the difficult pass.

Don’t take the shot unless you’re completely open.

Keep it safe.

And it works.

No turnover.

No missed shot.

No coach reaction.

No disappointed parent.

No uncomfortable feeling.

Relief.

So the brain remembers it.

That felt safer.

And slowly, without anyone deliberately teaching her to do it…

she starts playing not to be wrong.

That’s very different from playing to get better.

“Be More Confident” Won’t Fix It

This is where adults often become frustrated.

We can see what she’s capable of.

So we say:

“Just shoot it!”

“Stop hesitating!”

“Back yourself!”

“Be confident!”

But think about what we’re actually asking.

We’re telling a player who has learned to doubt her decisions…

to make another decision.

Faster.

With more confidence.

That doesn’t solve the reason she’s hesitating.

We have to rebuild something underneath it.

Trust.

So I Started Asking Different Questions

I stopped asking:

“Why did you do that?”

That can sound like:

Defend your mistake.

Instead, I started asking:

“What did you see?”

I stopped saying:

“You should have passed.”

And started asking:

“What other option did you have?”

After a missed shot, instead of:

“You rushed that.”

Sometimes it became:

“Would you take that shot again?”

And one of my favourites after a mistake became incredibly simple:

“Next play.”

Not because mistakes don’t matter.

They absolutely do.

We need to learn from them.

But learning from a mistake and fearing the next one are very different things.

There’s Another Question I Ask Myself Now

When one of my players hesitates, I don’t immediately ask:

Why won’t she shoot?

I ask:

What is she afraid will happen if she misses?

When she gets rid of the ball immediately:

What is she afraid will happen if she keeps it?

When she looks at me after a turnover:

What is she expecting to see on my face?

Those questions have changed the way I coach.

Because sometimes the behaviour we’re trying to correct…

is actually a response to the environment we’ve created.

That’s worth thinking about.

What Trust Actually Looks Like

Trust isn’t a player believing:

I’m going to make this shot.

It’s:

This is the right shot. I’m taking it.

Trust isn’t:

I won’t turn it over.

It’s:

I see the pass. I’m going to make it.

Trust isn’t knowing the decision will work.

It’s being willing to make the decision without knowing.

That’s basketball.

And sometimes…

get it completely wrong.

Then learn.

And do it again.

She Still Looked at Me

The girl I told you about didn’t suddenly stop looking at me.

It took time.

But eventually something changed.

She’d make a mistake…

and keep playing.

She’d miss…

and sprint back on defence.

She’d see a gap…

and attack it.

And every now and then she’d make a decision that I wouldn’t have made.

Good.

Because I wasn’t trying to build a basketballer who could perfectly follow my instructions.

I was trying to build one who could play when I wasn’t there to give them.

That’s the goal.

Trust the Shot

This is one of the ideas behind Trust the Shot.

Because the shot isn’t really the important part.

The decision before it is.

We spend enormous amounts of time teaching young players how to shoot, pass, dribble and defend.

We should.

But somewhere along the way, we also have to teach them something else:

Trust what you see.

Make the decision.

Live with the result.

Learn.

Then trust yourself enough to do it again.